their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
