Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
