I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
