Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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