fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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