Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
