its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
