From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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