Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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