do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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