Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
