im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
