I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
