i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
