I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
