you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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