Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
