Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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