so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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