And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
