So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Girls should come with a carfax report
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND