More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!