today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize