He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
