She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
