Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
