You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
