Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
