man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
