I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
