he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
