I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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