My Higher Power is John Stamos
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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