I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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