why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
