Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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