I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
