Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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