how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
