highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
