i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
