omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
