'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
