if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
