I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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