I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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