just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Fuck me I smell like cheese
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
