You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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