I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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