My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i think i just lost a toe
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize