my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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