If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
