Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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