so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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