If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
