the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
