the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
