she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
