Hey man sorry I got all grabby
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
