I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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