she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
His nipple licking is glorious
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