you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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