Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
