just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
