I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The power of my boobs compel you
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
