I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
