Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
