He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
