theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
