Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
