I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Randomize
