You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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