apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
