i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
