i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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