At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
