Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Of course I have a pirate flag
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize